What is my identity?

There are days when I am not sure who I am. Oh, I know my name and most days I even know where I live. What I am actually talking about is my identity. I am talking about what I point to as that thing that I believe I am most connected to or says that more about me.

There are many things that people claim as their identity. Some say it is their career, or their money and possessions, or an accomplishment and some even claim it to be a moment in their life when something substantial happened to change the course of their lives.

In my case I understand that all those things are the things that people who do not believe that Jesus who was fully God and fully man was born of a virgin, lived, was beaten crucified, died, was buried and on the third day rose again from the dead all to free me from my sins. Because if I believe that, which I do, then that is where my identity should rest.

But maybe it hasn’t been that cut and dry for me.

You see, my marriage failed nearly 10 years ago. The circumstances are not important and there certainly has been enough blame to go around. But I was unwilling to be the guy who gave up on his family. I made it my identity. I so desperately wanted to be a husband and a father, that I was unwilling to let it go. I did my best to show others that a broken marriage could be healed. But mine never was. I was the guy who said “I do is forever”. And quite honestly I still believe that. But I have also come to understand that it takes more than my believing it, for it to be so.

But that was my identity. It was in my failure. I was going to tough it out for as long as it took, because it broke me to think that it would not ever be healed. Today, I find that I am much less likely to believe that it ever will. And that which was my identity for all those years has fallen away. For the first time I have stopped wearing my wedding band and actually I feel kind of naked.

I have not stopped loving my wife. I don’t think I ever could. But at the same time, maybe, just maybe I have enough love left to love someone who would be willing give me another shot at being the guy who would keep his promise.

Today I pray that God would give me guidance and direction to move in a direction that would be more in His will than in mine. After all as Jesus said in the Lord’s Prayer “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven”. That is where my identity needs to be first and foremost.

I like the way the message translation says it in 1 John 3:1-6, “What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it—we’re called children of God! That’s who we really are. But that’s also why the world doesn’t recognize us or take us seriously, because it has no idea who he is or what he’s up to.
But friends, that’s exactly who we are: children of God. And that’s only the beginning. Who knows how we’ll end up! What we know is that when Christ is openly revealed, we’ll see him—and in seeing him, become like him. All of us who look forward to his Coming stay ready, with the glistening purity of Jesus’ life as a model for our own.”

My identity needs to be in the knowledge that I am one of God’s children. I think that if I base who I am on that fact, that things in my life will become much clearer and that my priorities will be easier to understand. I am not the guy who is identified by his failures, but I am the guy who is instead identified by the victory of Jesus. After all isn’t that the determining factor in our eternal lives? Thanks Jesus, not only have you saved me from sin, but you have saved me from myself.

Blessings,
-Bry